got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
