I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize