i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I have post one night stand depression
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
