2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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