these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
You can't motorboat a personality
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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