I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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