You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
ugly people sure do ruin things
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
