YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
