Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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