Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
