i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
he fucked my hip out of place.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
