Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
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