How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
