I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
