dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
