He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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