My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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