I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
