New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
