i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize