Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
