I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
