I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
