Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
There's always time for handjobs
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize