she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
