Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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