first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
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