I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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