He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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