I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
