You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
