You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
