don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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