Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
