we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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