Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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