they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
