Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
