I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
