i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
