also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize