watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize