Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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