it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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