I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
