I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
