It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
