I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
how drunk are you?
Several
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
