i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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