I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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