So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
