I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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