i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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