girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
