Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
