You were right. It hurts to walk today.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
