watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
