btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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