It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Everclear isn't food dammit
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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