I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
