mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
