Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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