youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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