he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
