I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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