just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
