JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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