I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It's rum buckets o'clock
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
