There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
