I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
