How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
