I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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