I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
